Hello my name is Laura and this is my story (so far). Hopefully one day I can hear yours.
I grew up in numb Christianity, one that forgot how to love. A Christianity that isolated themselves from “evil-doers” and sinners, creating a life-less, small-talking community built on religious piety and moral “purity”. They claimed to follow Jesus, the Son of Man. But while they drank tea and gossiped, I wondered what Jesus they were talking about … the homeless rabbi that was persecuted for teaching about the love of God and who invited us to do the same? I didn’t understand why their actions didn’t match up with their words of peace and love.
So, I was sent to Christian schools where I was put down for asking tough questions that made people feel uncomfortable in their faith and finding God more in bubbles than in church. I couldn’t figure out where the real Christians were, the ones Jesus talking about who gave up their lives to find it, because the Christians I knew didn’t seem to love everyone as brothers and sisters and called each other ugly and useless. So after much confusion and many break-downs, I gave up. If that was what Christianity was, I wanted nothing to do with it.
So I ran away from any hope of feeling God and became friends with people who found happiness in drugs and drinks, and I do love them, but they weren’t bringing me up, only further down. I still felt alone at the end of the day, even with all this company and I couldn’t figure out why.
I took out my frustration in life on paper and paint. I came to the conclusion that our world is missing magic. Not child-like fairytale magic or evil warlocks and wizards magic, but something greater. Something unexplainable, paranormal, free. I feel like reality had pushed us so far down that we forget sometimes what it means to be a human, what it means to be mysterious and curious. At the moment, my heart started seeking for magic, without knowing it, I was looking for Yahweh. It turns out he was waiting for me this whole time.
I began to let God replace my stress and confusion with his love and peace. The yelling commercials and sexy media became stale and I pulled my love out of my possessions and put it into people and God. My happiness was not found in drinks and clothes but in the bubbles, belly laughs, compassion and the potential of my soul with God.
God is a whisper in groaning creation, he’s our hope. I want to get to the bottom of what it means to love and figure out what has made such a mess of this world. Still, there are somethings we’re never meant to figure out, but that’s a part of his magic.
Christianity can be built on small talk and false content. That’s the Christianity I grew up with. But it can also be built on the compassion of the cross, our love as brothers and sisters, joining with each other as the Broken, crying out to God for grace. That’s the Christianity I have fallen in love with.
Don’t let this dark world steal you, God is following you around with puppy love, waiting for you to turn around and see him. Give Him a chance, He will catch you. Ever since I put my life in Gods hands, tomorrow doesn’t scare me. It’s an unexplainable peace, he’s challenged me and helped me grow so much in the past six months, I honestly don’t know what I would do without Him.